I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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