hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
