i will never coherently bang her
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
