hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
