so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
