u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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