she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
