It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
