When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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