I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
