i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
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