I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
