Your face is a jimmy john
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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