I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
