hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
