Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
