My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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