College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
