she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
