i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
