Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
