my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
