The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
