Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
