just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
