Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize