Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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