I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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