wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
