The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
