I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
