turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
