bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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