I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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