I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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