so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
