I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
