I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
