Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
