drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
