ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
