I think I died a long time ago.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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