Don't you send me to vm
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
