I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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