so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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