he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
