So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
