Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
