Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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