Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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