Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
