She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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