so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
