hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
