I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
