she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
