I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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