can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
