She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
