Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
