the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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