i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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