rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
