So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
