You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
