Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
