I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
