i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
