Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
