So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
