he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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