Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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