All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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