I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
