I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
