i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
